Ever feel like life is throwing one obstacle after another your way, and you can’t catch a break?
I’m going through it as well.
It seems every time I sit back to catch my breath or start to celebrate a win, another upsetting situation occurs. It’s hard to get through a day, sometimes the hour, without some family or business drama trying to wreck my plans or peace of mind.
To protect my mental health, I turn to those who’ve come before me for wisdom and counsel. There isn’t anything us humans are going through that someone else hasn’t also endured and I find comfort in how they learned to navigate through uncertain times with calm and resilience.
While quietly doing this on my own, the thought occurred that I could share what’s making me feel better with you. Something I discovered many years ago was that I could quickly ease my suffering by helping others through their tough times.
As I repeatedly tell my One Belief Away™ Hypnosis students and graduates, the best way to get through tough times is to be of service to others. It will lift your spirits and the good Karma will come back to you in the form of unexpected blessings.
Last week, I was thumbing through the pages of a classic book, A Course In Miracles. It’s a treasure trove of spiritual insights but often the concepts can be challenging to understand or apply in “the real world.”
For example, one of the lessons is:
“The only real test of any relationship is whether it can teach you without pain.”
Here’s my interpretation. Every obstacle we face, every challenge we encounter, is an opportunity for growth if we can move past our fear, anger, resentment, or Ego…which requires tremendous willfulness, maturity, and often support from a wise or trained individual.
Obstacles are like weights at the gym. Yes, they are heavy and uncomfortable at first, and I really don’t want to pick them up.
But with each rep, you get stronger. And after awhile, that weight feels easier to carry because you’ve become stronger.
Often, it’s our closest relationships that can feel the most painful. The conversations and controversies we have with our spouse(s), children, parents (dead or alive) can push our buttons faster than anyone else on the planet!
But those stressful moments are filled with lessons and insights that can be used to increase love, patience, understanding, and connection.
Another lesson from A Course In Miracles is:
“The power of decision is my own.”
It’s a reminder that we hold the key to our own feelings. No matter what life throws our way, we have the power to choose how we interpret what’s happening (or what happened in the past.)
The other day, some family members ganged up on me and said I wasn’t a good listener or patient and they resented how I am more supportive of my clients than them.
Notice how I just wrote that sentence above. Can you see how I made myself a victim in that statement?
“family members ganged up on me” is a victim statement because instead of understanding where they were coming from, I felt attacked and sorry for myself.
My ego did not want to believe that I took better care of strangers than them, and that’s not what they were saying anyway.
They felt hurt because of how I was communicating with them.
After defending myself, which only proved their point, I sat with the pain I felt and focused on being accountable for how I was showing up in their eyes, which did not feel good.
“The only real test of any relationship is whether it can teach you without pain.”
The pain came from defending my ego, and not because they had feedback for me that would improve our relationship. In fact, their feedback was a GIFT that I could use to make our relationship better, which is what happened at the end of the night when I got an unexpected hug from my teen.
I realized that instead of validating their thoughts, I’d immediately reframe, minimize, or share another point of view because that’s what I do all day for a living.
What they were hearing from me while expressing their feelings was, “No, you are wrong to think or feel that way.”
My ego said, “Tim, you are helping them to be more positive and they don’t appreciate you,” and that interpretation is what caused my suffering, not my family’s feedback.
As we continued the conversation, what was once invisible to me (my blind spots) suddenly became apparent and I recognized what they were referring to.
In that moment, I stopped being defensive and became open to a new possibility and opportunity that could bring us closer in uncomfortable situations.
Now I’m doing A LOT more listening without offering my thoughts on what they are expressing unless they ask for it.
Most importantly, I’m doing this to intentionally improve our relationship, where before I would have sat there not speaking aloud, but raving in my mind about how “they don’t value my opinion” or “well, somebody has to tell them the truth (that how they are viewing the situation is wrong.”)
“The only real test of any relationship is whether it can teach you without pain.”
Their honest feedback no longer causes me pain, but gives me hope that our situation can greatly improve because of what I can bring to our relationship.
Where, before, my focus was on what they needed to change for us to be happier.
It was difficult sharing this personal story with you. However, discussing the real issues we are going through seems more important than writing another article on how to live your best life.
Here are a few more nuggets of wisdom from the book:
- “When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see them, you will see yourself.” This quote reminds us of the interconnectedness of all beings. Every interaction we have is an opportunity for growth and self-reflection.
- “You are the dreamer of the world of dreams. No other cause it has, nor ever will.” This powerful reminder speaks to our role as creators of our own reality. We hold the power to shape our experiences and manifest our desires.
- “The holiest spot on earth is where an ancient hatred has become a present love.” This quote speaks to the healing power of forgiveness. By releasing resentments and choosing love, we can heal even the deepest wounds.
- “The past is over, it can touch me not.” Let go of the past, for it has no power over you unless you give it power. Focus on the present moment and embrace the infinite possibilities that lie ahead.
- “I am responsible for what I see. I choose the feelings I experience, and I decide upon the goal I would achieve. And everything that seems to happen to me I ask for, and receive as I have asked.” This quote is a powerful reminder of our innate power as creators. We have the ability to choose our perceptions, our emotions, and our goals.
Now that we’ve armed ourselves with these insights, let’s put them into action over the next week:
Day 1: Practice mindfulness. Take a few moments each day to simply be present, noticing the sights, sounds, and sensations around you without judgment.
Day 2: Practice forgiveness. Identify one person or situation from your past that still holds power over you, and consciously choose to release any resentment or anger you may be holding onto. (Forgiveness releases you from the past. It’s not about them.)
Day 3: Set clear intentions. Take some time to reflect on your goals and aspirations, and write them down. Visualize or imagine yourself achieving these goals with clarity and conviction.
Day 4: Choose love. In every interaction you have today, approach others with kindness, compassion, and empathy. Remember that we are all connected, and every encounter is an opportunity for love to prevail.
Day 5: Let go of the past. Take inventory of any lingering regrets or grievances from your past, and make a conscious decision to release them. Affirm to yourself: “The past is over, it can touch me not. I now live fully in the present and this empowers me.”
Day 6: Take responsibility. Acknowledge your power as a creator and take ownership of your experiences. Remember that you have the ability to shape your reality according to your desires.
Day 7: Reflect and celebrate. Take some time to reflect on your week of transformation and celebrate the progress you’ve made. Give yourself credit for stepping into your power and reading this message.
PS, I’m sure as you read this, moments flash through your mind where others were not acting from a place of love or may have intentionally been cruel. However, it still comes down to how you manage the energy they send your way that determines how YOU feel right now. Stand in the power you were born with and be ruled by love, not ego or the wounds of others.
*To learn more about hypnosis and experience a free session, watch this free program.
